Top Five: Most Embarrassing Moments

Sort of like true confessions, but at least most of these happened when I was a kid.

5. Squawk! When I was ten our family moved to Rossmoor, in Orange County just east of Long Beach. The LDS church was still building up in this area, so for a year or so we met in the Masonic Temple in Long Beach. One Sunday our Primary was singing "I Know that my Redeemer Lives", and I had a solo for the second verse. When it came time for my big part, I gave a squawk that was an octave or so off the intended note. Everything ground to a halt, and the pianist gave me my note--with the second chance, I got it right and we finished the song. I have a good voice, but have done this sort of thing a couple more times--maybe that's why they don't ask me to do solos in church anymore.

4. Caught in the act. At about this same time, I did some nasty experimentation with shoplifting. Fortunately, one day in the grocery store a friend and I got caught. They let me cool my heels in a side room and threatened to call my parents. I promised to never do it again, and they let me off with a warning. I was mortified, but grateful for the second chance, and never did it again. I've often wanted to return money to the grocery store as compensation, but they long ago went out of business.

3. Gross! In the eighth grade I got a lead part in a (junior) high school musical, HRH Miss Jones. I played Lance Penbroke, publicist for the La Raquita resort. During one of our after school rehearsals I got an attack of diarrhea and pooped in my pants (sorry if I just lost family status for this blog!). No one seemed to notice, and I gritted out the remainder of the rehearsal, then rode my bike the 3 or 4 miles back to my house. When I got home, I immediately walked (stiff legged) into the bathroom and took a shower, clothes and all, to wash off. I'm not sure I told my mom why my clothes were all wet. So no one actually found out, but the potential for embarrassment was HUGE!

2. And you thought you were being cool. In 1980 I was teaching ESL students at US International University in San Diego, CA. The consul for the Saudi Arabian consulate in LA sponsored a dinner for their students and their teachers at USIU. There was rice, lamb, and other traditional foods. I noticed the students were eating with their hands, so I decided to be all culturally sensitive and eat with my hands too. While I was eating, a student with limited English skills said something to me about eating, bad, and religion. I thought he was asking if there was anything there that was against my Mormon religion (they knew I didn't drink or smoke), so I said there was no problem. A few minutes later, another student with better language skills told me that it was against their religion to eat with the left hand (I'm left handed, so was putting the food in my mouth with my left hand), that it was considered dirty. So there was a double whammy--not only was I doing something offensive to them, I was thinking I was the cultural sensitivity king while doing it!

1. There must be some way out of here. Ninth grade, still at Oak Junior High, I was selected to be on my class's College Bowl team, to compete against other ninth grade social studies classes. Tony Speck was our capitals specialist, two other team members were friends, Jeff Bartow and Deebett Steinberg. We would compete after school, and we mowed steadily through our competition, and got to the finals, which would be held before school.

So one morning I got off the bus just before school started, and noticed there were a bunch of students in the cafeteria. OH NO! I'd forgotten to come early, and they were holding the finals without me! I went in, and there were just a few minutes left in the competition. I watched in agony as my team won anyway--without me. I was so deeply embarrassed, I told everyone I'd tried to bike to school, but my bike got a flat tire and I had to go back and take the bus. I did get a trophy, along with the rest of the team. For causing such depths of mortification that I would be willing to lie to preserve my credibility, this moments gets #1.

Top Five: Scriptures

Here are my favorite scriptures today. Does this selection tell you more about the scriptures, or about me?

5. 2 Timothy 2:6 "The husbandman that laboureth must be first partaker of the fruits."

I was in the Language Training Mission preparing for a mission in Germany when I read this. I understood this to mean that I as a missionary needed to experience the fruits of the Spirit and of testimony before I tried to teach it to others. It prompted my first explicit effort to gain a firm testimony of my own.

4. Doctrine and Covenants 6: 22-23 "If you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things. Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?"

I'd received a witness to my efforts to gain a testimony, but didn't know how to describe the experience. Nine months later, while sitting on a bus in Munich, I read these words and felt the rush of familiarity--God had spoken peace to my mind, as well as Oliver Cowdery's.

3. Matthew 20:25-28 "Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them. But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto but to minister, and to give his life..."
D&C 93:45-46 "I will call you friends, for you are my friends, and ye shall have an inheritance with me--I called you servants for the world's sake, and ye are their servants for my sake."

Companion scriptures, powerful messages on how to 'rule' in God's kingdom.

2. Ether 12:27 "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

This gives me hope, even in the face of my own weakness and weaknesses. Humility and grace.

1. D&C 93:1 "Verily, thus saith the Lord: It shall come to pass that every soul who forsaketh his sins and cometh unto me, and calleth on my name, and obeyeth my voice, and keepeth my commandments, shall see my face and know that I am."

The path and the reward.

Top Three: Tribute Videos to Those Who've Gone On

Don't know why, but this morning I've been thinking about parents and grandparents who've 'gone on'. So click on these three tribute videos (special discount from my normal five), to help you remember them

3. Remember, Josh Groban. I know, the song was written for Achilles, pleading for us to remember what a heroic guy he was. But I've adopted this song for family history, each of our ancestors saying to us, "I will still be here, as long as you hold me in your memory."


2. I Still Can't Say Goodbye, Chet Atkins. Sung for his dad, but for me it applies just as well to mom.


1. Grow Old With Me, Mary Chapin Carpenter. A few years ago I paired this song with some home video from the late 80's featuring my parents, and others who have since died--Grandma Henderson, Uncle Gene, Aunt Georgia... A tribute to those who handled the thick and thin of life to demonstrate their eternal love for each other and for family, and a glance back for siblings, children, and nephews/nieces at who we were twenty years ago.


So to all you father and mothers, wives and husbands, sons and daughters who see this, God bless you and keep giving your best, your loved ones will remember.

Top Five: My Kids

So here's one thing I like about each of my five kids. No numbers today, since I'm not ranking them (!), I'll just talk about them from youngest to oldest.

Dallin. He is great working with people, and has an interesting range of friends at school and at work. Quick with a smile and a joke, he can charm the socks off a snake. I like his loyalty, too. He won't let you run roughshod over him, but if you are kind to him, expect an intensely loyal friend back. Now if he'd just stop reminding how much taller than me he is...

Shelly. Shelly is a thinkerwoman, and is passionate about her life and the world of ideas. I enjoy our discussions and explorations, whether, it's politics, religion, society, interpersonal relationships, or any other topic that makes your heart skip a beat. We keep each other honest in what we believe, whether we agree or disagree.

Kevin. Kevin is a great pacemaker, making sure everyone's hearts are beating in sync. Wait, I meant peacemaker! He is great at getting people together, soothing over rough spots, and ensuring each feels welcome and loved. He brings that quality with him everywhere, whether he's at home, at work, on vacation, or on the net. So in a way I guess he does get people's hearts beating together...in love.

Afton. She has an eye for design, that brings beauty to everything around her. For example, in her apartment she decorates, simply but effectively, for every season that comes along. Winter, she'll hang snowflakes from the ceiling, till you think you're walking in a warm snowstorm. St. Patrick's Day, shamrocks from the same heights. She knows just where to put pictures, accents, plants, and everything else. The apartment building she's in is very unprepossessing, but once you walk through her door, you're in another, better world.

Sam. He's willing to keep trying till he succeeds. I've seen this many times in his life, the most recent is when he applied to work as a policeman. He didn't score high enough on his exam once, though he was over 90%. And earlier this year he didn't pass the mile run portion of the testing. At that point I might have given up, saying "Forget them" or something similar... but Sam kept at it, passed the whole deal, and is just finishing up the process to become a sheriff.

Top Five: First LDS Converts

Here are the five earliest of my ancestor families to join the LDS church. It's worth noting that through the Buchanan, Hatch, and Curtis lines, my grandchildren are tenth generation Mormons.

5. Aldura Sumner Hatch, February 1840. Taught and baptized in Lincoln, Vermont by Elders Sisson Chase and Peltiah Brown. "The ice was a foot deep; and before they could be baptized, a hole had to be cut through the ice." A son and a couple of other relatives were baptized the same day; her husband Hezekiah, parents-in-law, and most of her children were baptized by the end of the year. In April of 1842, just before the family was to leave for Nauvoo, Aldura caught 'the black tongue' and died. The heartbroken family buried their wife and mother, then began the journey west to Illinois.

4. Richard Steele, January 1840. Taught and baptized by Henry Glover in Burslem (now Stoke on Trent), England just before his 22nd birthday. Unemployed after completing his apprenticeship in pottery-making, he took to Mormonism quickly. After baptism he hung out with the missionaries and was called on a mission later that year. Emigrated to Nauvoo in 1842, helped settle American Fork, Utah.

3. Samuel Miles, March 1834. Baptized by Orson Pratt in Freedom, New York. Was a brother-in-law to Warren Cowdery and lived next to him, so heard about the church early on--proof sheets as the Book of Mormon was being printed, perhaps a visit with Oliver Cowdery, meetings with friends all crescendoed into many baptisms when Pratt visited the community. Lived in Missouri and Nauvoo, died in St. Louis in 1847. His son Samuel was in the Mormon Battalion, and his wife Prudence and most of his children settled in Utah and Idaho.

2. Emeline Buchanan, February 1834. Living with her parents in central Illinois (Tazewell County), she joined the church at age 14. Her parents John and Nancy joined a year later. Years later, she remembered lying under a hickory tree and looking across the Mississippi River and watching parts of Nauvoo burn. Settled in Springville, Utah.

1. Enos Curtis, 1831. Learned about the church from his son in law, Elial Strong, and was baptized in Tioga County, Pennsylvania. In 1832, went with the group of missionaries from the Columbia Township branch up to Mendon NY and helped teach Brigham Young and Heber C. Kimball. Settled in Springville, Utah and became a patriarch. His son Simmons married Emeline Buchanan (see #2).

Top Five: US Presidents I like the least

From a mix of personal experience and a reading of history. Look here for another, well-written list.

5. Andrew Johnson, 1865-1869. Elected as an afterthought to Lincoln, took over upon his assassination. Vetoed the first civil rights bill, saying "this is a country for white men, and by God, as long as I am President, it shall be a government for white men.” Nasty nature ensured that the deep wounds of the Civil War would stay open.

4. US Grant 1869-77 and Warren Harding 1921-23. Tied for this spot because they both draped the White House in corruption. They probably didn't personally benefit, but allowed their friends to in Black Friday, the Whiskey Ring, and Teapot Dome. Harding spoke for both of them when he wrote “I have no trouble with my enemies, but my . . . friends . . . keep me walking the floor nights!”

3. Richard Nixon, 1969-1974. I liked several things that Nixon did, including reopening contacts with China, and thought his climb back to the Presidency was, well, inspiring. But his paranoia and fierce devotion to himself turned a minor burglary into a national crisis and brought down his presidency, deservedly so.

2. Jimmy Carter, 1977-1981. Judged as a man, he's tops: earnest, honorable, committed. But he's the Eeyore of presidents. Economy in a slump, home interest rates over 15%? Oh no, we're in a national malaise, nothing really we can do. Competition with the USSR as hot as ever? Oh no, they're human too, we can't expect to win out, let's just hunker down. Iran takes our embassy staff hostage? Oh no, maybe we should launch a rescue effort, but I'm concerned about public opinion so I'll meddle with the logistics and ensure failure. Makes my blood boil, just thinking about those years again. Maybe I should have made Jimmy #1...

1. James Buchanan, 1857-1861. Yeah, the world disrespects him because he fiddled while America burned over slavery. Wishy washy to a fault about dealing with the slavery question and the right to secede, the nation was already torn in half by the time he turned over the reins to Lincoln. But with Buchanan it starts to get personal, since he listened to bad advice and sent that huge military expedition to bring those pesky Mormons into submission. Shot the fear factor through the roof, drove the paranoia that caused the Mountain Meadows Massacre, and poisoned Mormon/US Government relations for decades, maybe with after effects even today. Good job, Jimmy.

What's ironic is that James Buchanan is a relative. My sixth great-grandfather, John Buchanan, who emigrated from Ireland around 1800 and joined the Mormon church in 1835, is a first cousin to James (their fathers were brothers). Maybe that's what ticked him off enough to bring in the troops.