Top Five: Most Embarrassing Moments

Sort of like true confessions, but at least most of these happened when I was a kid.

5. Squawk! When I was ten our family moved to Rossmoor, in Orange County just east of Long Beach. The LDS church was still building up in this area, so for a year or so we met in the Masonic Temple in Long Beach. One Sunday our Primary was singing "I Know that my Redeemer Lives", and I had a solo for the second verse. When it came time for my big part, I gave a squawk that was an octave or so off the intended note. Everything ground to a halt, and the pianist gave me my note--with the second chance, I got it right and we finished the song. I have a good voice, but have done this sort of thing a couple more times--maybe that's why they don't ask me to do solos in church anymore.

4. Caught in the act. At about this same time, I did some nasty experimentation with shoplifting. Fortunately, one day in the grocery store a friend and I got caught. They let me cool my heels in a side room and threatened to call my parents. I promised to never do it again, and they let me off with a warning. I was mortified, but grateful for the second chance, and never did it again. I've often wanted to return money to the grocery store as compensation, but they long ago went out of business.

3. Gross! In the eighth grade I got a lead part in a (junior) high school musical, HRH Miss Jones. I played Lance Penbroke, publicist for the La Raquita resort. During one of our after school rehearsals I got an attack of diarrhea and pooped in my pants (sorry if I just lost family status for this blog!). No one seemed to notice, and I gritted out the remainder of the rehearsal, then rode my bike the 3 or 4 miles back to my house. When I got home, I immediately walked (stiff legged) into the bathroom and took a shower, clothes and all, to wash off. I'm not sure I told my mom why my clothes were all wet. So no one actually found out, but the potential for embarrassment was HUGE!

2. And you thought you were being cool. In 1980 I was teaching ESL students at US International University in San Diego, CA. The consul for the Saudi Arabian consulate in LA sponsored a dinner for their students and their teachers at USIU. There was rice, lamb, and other traditional foods. I noticed the students were eating with their hands, so I decided to be all culturally sensitive and eat with my hands too. While I was eating, a student with limited English skills said something to me about eating, bad, and religion. I thought he was asking if there was anything there that was against my Mormon religion (they knew I didn't drink or smoke), so I said there was no problem. A few minutes later, another student with better language skills told me that it was against their religion to eat with the left hand (I'm left handed, so was putting the food in my mouth with my left hand), that it was considered dirty. So there was a double whammy--not only was I doing something offensive to them, I was thinking I was the cultural sensitivity king while doing it!

1. There must be some way out of here. Ninth grade, still at Oak Junior High, I was selected to be on my class's College Bowl team, to compete against other ninth grade social studies classes. Tony Speck was our capitals specialist, two other team members were friends, Jeff Bartow and Deebett Steinberg. We would compete after school, and we mowed steadily through our competition, and got to the finals, which would be held before school.

So one morning I got off the bus just before school started, and noticed there were a bunch of students in the cafeteria. OH NO! I'd forgotten to come early, and they were holding the finals without me! I went in, and there were just a few minutes left in the competition. I watched in agony as my team won anyway--without me. I was so deeply embarrassed, I told everyone I'd tried to bike to school, but my bike got a flat tire and I had to go back and take the bus. I did get a trophy, along with the rest of the team. For causing such depths of mortification that I would be willing to lie to preserve my credibility, this moments gets #1.